Thursday, February 27, 2014

Golden Cameos: Millennium #5

Cover title "The Teaching", nonsensical inside title "In." I'm going to take a stab in the dark and guess that next issue will be "Out."


Title: "In"

HHH and Nadi(a) look frightening in their splash page as they tell the Chosen that they will teach them the history of the universe. They go on about logic, how we all may be hallucinating the universe, how reality is real, etc. More Guardian crap that the GLs likely tune out everyday just to tolerate the smurfs. It boils down to trying to sound deep and meaningful when it's been anything but for the last four issues. While explaining the big bang (or "one" as the blue men call it) he causes a explosion. I thought this was just an art choice until Supermans' explains it. Might be nice if the Guardian told their heroes this so they wouldn't freak out over potential Manhunter attacks. Superman himself is already on edge since his whole life in Smallville was manipulated by the Manhunters. Which brings back another question I had in a past review: How long have they been on Earth? Then why are they on Earth for Supermans' whole life if the Chosen thing just happened? Weren't there other planets with powerful champions?

If I'm understanding what Supermans' saying right there are now three types of Manhunters. The robots, humans that willingly join and humans that are brainwashed into joining. You can understand my confusion since these bits were just added on. Of course I still don't understand why a human Manhunter was sent after the freaking Spectre last issue so maybe they just randomly chose who gets which Manhunter.

Superman: Wha--?

You know I'd have that reaction too if I entered a room with smiling heroes congratulating a pleased Batman. Seriously these mood shifts are just so sudden it's jarring. It's just as bad when Nadi(a) gives lecture to the Chosen. Anyway the heroes tell a confused Superman that they were celebrating because Batman informed them of a Manhunter HQ being destroyed.

Superman: Really? You did that?

Batman: I only had a hand in it--! (Thinking) But I can't deny that I'm glad you had none!

WHOA! Cat claws in Batman! What a jerky thing to're happy Superman didn't get any credit? Unless Batman knows what an ass the guy is to people like Booster that's kind of harsh. Fuuny though. Batman talks about meeting up with PI Jim from last issue and having an adventure in another book. Apparently the Manhunters have their own temple. Sure why not, let people worship the ancient robots. Batman and Jim saved hostages then the place blew up for unexplained reasons. Firestorm is now with the heroes as Captain Atom explains his story. He keeps out the Suicide Squad to protect his own cover as a government agent. Firestorm fought Atom, got his memory back somehow and the Spectre was in the area.

No pesky action for the main series these tie ins connect to.

The heroes talk more (I'm sensing a theme with this book) saying there's only a few Manhunters left. The Outsiders aren't too happy since they lost so much but Arisia tells Halo to try to get over it. She's more pleased that she sounds like an American than caring that someone is hurting. Yeah she has the emotional maturity of an adult Hal. Since there's another lull between action Wonder Woman thinks it's a great time to mingle. Wally is a stark contrast to everyone else since he's upset over his father potentially screwing him up and the attempt on his mothers' life. J'onn shrugs off them worrying over Nadi(a) appearing weak, if it was just another red herring it was pretty pointless.

The president backtracks when the reporters question his position. Evolution and creation is talked about among the Chosen. Racist guy looks bored and Floronic Man babbles about the green. Back with the heroes the Outsiders decide to deal with a threat themselves without telling Batman about it. It sounds like the Outsiders are the team he acts like a overbearing parent to while JLI are the relatives he doesn't want to deal with. They try sneaking out--by walking right past him! Since Batman is the worlds' greatest detective that doesn't work on him but they leave before he can do anything about it. Back in the never ending party the heroes seem to be having Black Canary yells random things at Green Arrow. Going from "I found a v-8" right into "Katma Stewart is a married woman" in a couple of panels. Would it be better if she was single Dinah? He's still cheating on you. Ted seems to find the whole thing hilarious and Guy has to be told that good is better than bad.

Jade apparently had the hots for Booster back then and comments on it being too bad that he sided against them. Even the (male?) walking bones on her team knows Booster has it going on. Wonder Woman asks if there's any connect between Nadi(a) and the amazons since she looks like one. Arisia doesn't know but it's a moot point since Diana gets teleported away. After a couple panels of shock the heroes go about their business. Aquaman and Aqualad show up with a space ship the GLs have never seen. They figure out that while there aren't many Manhunters left on Earth there are still more that can come from space.

Hal Jordan: I know! Their central world is the planet Orinda in the Procyon system! It's cloaked--impossible to detect by normal means--but I've been there!

...Wait a second. Is this the same place the Manhunters have been on that they said few knew about? You're telling me Hal and JLA members like Dinah knew where the Manhunters came from and it never occurred to them until now?! I don't care if they were apparently focused on defending Earth that bit of information should have been exchanged at the start of this! Damn it Dinah, I can buy Hal being thick but not you!

Harbinger is saved by the beat up GL who shows her the information he has. He's apparently dead but the ring wouldn't let him go for some reason after fighting a living galaxy. I don't think this is related to Millennium. Anyway he frees her so they can escape together. Grandmaster watches this and says his usual spiel.

Despite telling the others to call if they need to help Hawkman and Hawkwoman still grumble about being asked to assist. Since it will take awhile to get there Dr. Fate uses his powers just to teleport them. Ted thinks something is off about the flying saucer. HHH and Nadia complete their long winded lesson ending the issue.

Overall: The worst part was the lesson which was just tedious to get through. Once again the only reason the heroes haven't defeated the Manhunters is because they lack common sense. They seem to have gab sessions as often as possible. The attempts at humor like the Black Canary/Green Arrow bit were just odd. As always the funniest parts are the ones they don't intend to be funny. Which is most of this.

Say What?: Sinestro was called the anti-prince?

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